The famous Lou'isms

I have a friend (we'll call him Lou here) who needs absolutely no reason to party hardy. Lou's partying habits stretch back into the mid/late 80's and have not let up one bit since then. Over the years, Lou has come up with some zingers that just stick in your head and make you laugh every time you think of them. For me, they pop up all the time and people around me must wonder if I've lost my marbles or taken a good Depends-shit, because of the grin on my face or simply from the all-out laughter. We have given these quotes a name - Lou'isms. I will describe a few here:

Years ago, a group of my buddies and one particular girl that I had an admiration for, decided to go to the NASCAR spring race in Bristol-1996, I believe. Well, obviously we drank our quota of beer that day, probably more than normal, because the race was rain-delayed several times before the NASCAR officials finally decided to say fukkit. The race was over half-way completed, so NASCAR can do that and their ain't shit you can do about it, other than to boo, yell "y'all suck", then gulp down another Natty Lite before heading back to the car. We had parked in a grassy area, near the drag strip (year's before it was modernized to what it is today). By the time we got back to the van (my dad's nice custom job), the grassy area was now a mud pit. You guessed it, we got stuck in the mud in that heavy-ass van with rear-wheel drive. Well, Lou and another buddy were so stoned, they were barely any help at all getting us "un-stuck". We finally recruited a few good-do'ers to help free us and were finally on our way out of the track area. Driving down an access road, out of nowhere comes a pickup truck up over a knoll, I swerved to avoid hitting him, but the back, right corner of my rear bumper caught the guy's front license plate and ripped that sumbitch from it's housing, flinging it about 20 yards in the process. After a short argument over who was at fault, we decided it was best to just get the hell out of there before they got security involved and we all ended up in the drunk tank in BRISTOL, TENNESSEE!! Things finally settled in, we were headed back up I-81 toward home. Everyone in the van was completely silent, you could have heard a mouse fart it was so quiet. We came upon an 18 wheeler and were passing it when Lou spouts out "Big 18 wheeler...........18 wheels and shit". I don't know why that is so funny, maybe because we were all so tired and the day had gone so shitty, but we laughed our asses off for miles and I'm smiling, thinking about it right now.

Spring forward a few years. WVU is playing Florida State in the Gator Bowl and it's late in the game. WVU is losing and looks as if they will go down to defeat. Needless to say, much drinking has taken place at my apartment while watching said game. Only myself, Lou and another buddy were present. Florida State had been running the ball ALL GAME LONG and the network put up a statistic on the screen showing the yardage gained. The other buddy said "Damn, Florida State has 318 yards rushing!!". Shortly thereafter, Lou answers "On the ground!!". Laughed my ass off. Like where the hell else were they going to gain 318 yard RUSHING????

Fast forward to this past summer, 2008. My brother, Skip, Lou and myself all go to race weekend at Bristol. We have tickets for all of the races. Get there on Thursday and go home Sunday. Throughout the weekend, there were tons of activities going on near the track. Lots of vendors, interactive stuff and TV crews taping segments for racing shows. One particular afternoon we were wondering around the grounds and I noticed a lady who was trying to get people to register for a chance to win a boat. Me, my brother and Skip all kinda avoided making eye contact with her, but poor Lou, she got holt of him, asking him if he would like to register for a chance to win this boat. Without any hesitation whatsoever, Lou replied to her "Nah, ain't got no water". The puzzled look on the woman's face was priceless! She came back to him with a "well, I guess you really do have problems then". Too. Damn. Funny!!

There are others that I'm sure would fit this rant, but I'll save those for another day, once they are recalled from storage and into my current memory cache.

Y'all have a great day now, ya hear !!